patiently waiting.

Ryan and I went to another doctor visit yesterday with our 18 week intensive ultrasound. They measured every bone in the body, checked out every organ and confirmed that things were continuing to digress. The cystic hygroma has grown to an astonishingly large size, the hydrops have filled every cavity of the body and are now permeating the skin and there appears to be heart and brain problems. The baby is so swollen to the point that they believe it’s skin can’t stretch any further out (once the water has filled every cavity and completely permeated the skin, it will then fill the heart and lungs, causing the baby to die). They are almost positive that the baby has Turner’s and with all that fluid, a multitude of other problems. We asked the technician how it’s possible that with the amount of stress on the body how she could still be alive. She said she asks herself that every day with so many patients with surreal circumstances. As of right now the heart is continuing to beat perfectly, which makes the timeline of when she will actually pass hard to determine. However, the doctor has asked us to come in every two weeks now to check for a heartbeat and also said he would be shocked to see us go longer than four more weeks.

Despite the awful news and the incredibly long visit, we left feeling relieved and still a bit numb. We realize that we are just continuing to wait patiently until we actually do miscarry, but with somewhat of a timeline (despite it’s certainty) it allows us to feel like we know something. They made sure to explain to us that the baby could not live outside of the womb in these conditions, and that we needed to begin to wrap our minds around that. On the flip side, despite all their knowledge and predictions, God is still in control. It’s encouraging in one sense to remember that God has this entire situation already planned out, but also frustrating not knowing what his plans are. He could decide to take the baby in the time frame given by the doctors, or have us wait until the very end, or miraculously heal the baby at the last second and give us the child we so desperately want. Even if he does not decide to save this baby, we are completely at peace with that and will just pray that our next pregnancies are problem free.

Thank you to everyone for your continued encouragement, prayer and love. We know that we would not have been able to be as strong and faithful without it. As always, we will continue to keep you updated!